Tag Archives: relationship

How to Love Unconditionally

Source: iloveulove

From “Friendship with God

How can I love

unconditionally and unlimitedly?

 

The first step in being fully loving is that you must fully love your Self. And this you cannot do so long as you believe that you were born in sin, and are basically evil.

If you believe that humans are by nature non-trustworthy and evil, you will create a society that supports that view, then enact laws, approve rules, adopt regulations, and impose restraints that are justified by it.

If you believe that humans are by nature trustworthy and good, you will create an entirely different kind of society, in which laws, rules, regulations, and restraints are rarely required. The first society will be freedom limiting, the second, freedom giving.

God is fully loving because God is fully free. To be fully free is to be fully joyful, because full freedom creates the space for every joyful experience. Freedom is the basic nature of God. It is also the basic nature of the human soul. The degree to which you are not fully free is the degree to which you are not fully joyful and that is the degree to which you are not fully loving.

To be totally loving means to be fully free.

We should allow everyone to be able to do anything they want.

That is how God loves. God allows everyone to do anything they want.

It is normal in your society to punish. It is abnormal in your society to simply allow a consequence to assert itself to reveal itself.

Punishments are your announcement that you are too impatient to await a natural outcome. Punishments are someone else’s decision that one has done wrong.

Consequences are one’s own experience that something does not work. That is, it did not produce an intended result.

In other words, we do not learn quickly from punishments, because we see them as something that someone else is doing to us. We learn more readily from consequences, because we see them as something that we are doing to ourselves.

The biggest punishment that you have devised is the withholding of your love. You have shown your offspring that if they behave in a certain way, you will withhold your love. It is by the granting and the withholding of your love that you have sought to regulate and modify, to control and to create, your children’s behaviors.

This is something that God would never do.

True love never withdraws itself. And that is what loving fully means.

I am love. One does not have to practice what one is, one simply is it.

I am the love that knows no condition, nor limitation of any kind.

I am totally loving, and to be totally loving means to be willing to give every mature sentient being total freedom to be, do, and have that which they wish.

Even if you know it will be bad for them?

It is not for you to decide that for them.

Not even for our children?

If they are mature sentient beings, no. If they are grown children, no. And if they are not yet mature, the fastest way to lead them to their own maturity is to allow them the freedom to make as many choices as possible as early as practical.

This is what love does. Love lets go. That which you call need, and which you often confuse with love, does the opposite. Need holds on. This is the way you can tell the difference between love and need. Love lets go, need holds on.

So to be totally loving, I let go?

Among other things, yes. Let go of expectation, let go of requirements and rules and regulations that you would impose on your loved ones. For they are not loved if they are restricted. Not totally.

Nor are you; you do not love yourself totally when you restrict yourself, when you grant yourself less than total freedom, in any matter.

Yet remember that choices are not restrictions. So do not call the choices you have made restrictions. And lovingly provide for your offspring, and all your loved ones, all the information that you feel you may have, to help them make good choices – “good” being defined here as those choices most likely to produce a particular desired result, as well as what you know to be their largest desired result: a happy life.

Share what you know about that. Offer what you have come to understand. Yet do not seek to impose your ideas, your rules, your choices upon another and do not withhold your love should another make choices you would not make. Indeed, if you believe their choices to have been poor ones, that is precisely the time to show your love.

That is compassion, and there is no higher expression.

What else does it mean to be totally loving?

It means to be fully present, in every single moment. To be fully aware. To be fully open, honest, transparent. It means to be fully willing, to express the love that is in your heart full out. To be fully loving means to be fully naked, without hidden agenda or hidden motive, without hidden anything.

And you say that it is possible for human beings, for regular people like me, to achieve such love? This is something of which we are all capable?

It is more than that of which you are capable. It is that which you are. This is the nature of Who You Are. The most difficult thing that you do is to deny that. And you are doing this difficult thing every day. It is why your life feels so difficult. Yet when you do the easy thing, when you decide to come from, to be, Who You Really Are – which is pure love, unlimited and unconditioned-then your life becomes easy again. All the turmoil disappears, all the struggle goes away.

This peace may be achieved in any given moment. The way to it may be found by asking a simple question:

What would love do now?

This is a marvelous question, because you will always know the answer. It is like magic. It is cleansing, like a soap. It takes the worry out of being close. It washes away all doubt, all fear. It bathes the mind with the wisdom of the soul.

What a good way of putting that.

It is true. When you ask this question, you will know instantly what to do. In any circumstance, under any condition, you will know. You will be given the answer. You are the answer, and asking the question brings forth that part of you.

Do not second-guess this answer when it instantly comes to you. When you second-guess is when you fool yourself – and can make a fool of yourself. Go into the heart of love, and come from that place in all your choices and decisions, and you will find peace.

Visit the “Conversations with God” website

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Single Yang Sempurna – Single Forever

Source from: http://shanz_cutie.blogs.friendster.com/shanz/2006/10/single_yang_sem.html 

Selama ini orang saling menyakiti satu sama lain dalam relationship karena manusia belum mengenal kebenaran. banyak orang diluar sana tidak mengerti tentang relationship. baik atau buruknya suatu hubungan, eg: friendship, marriage, or berpacaran tergantung dari siapa saja yang terlibat dalam
hubungan itu. Ko jeff ngasih contohnya gini, dia pernah ke supermarket dimana ada fresh juice dijual disana. mbaknya nawarin ke ko jeff dengan promosi kalau jus jeruk itu manis, ketika dicoba, memang manis. akhirnya ko jeff beli deh jusnya. setelah dia bawa pulang, dia tawarkan jus itu ke
anaknya tapi setelah mencoba, anaknya bilang: “daddy, pahit!” ternyata dari semua jus itu, ada satu jus yang busuk/expired. dan itu membuat the whole thing jadi gak enak. jeruk yang busuk sudah overpowered jeruk yang baik menjadikan rasanya tidak enak.

Relationship adalah seperti itu. Relationship bisa menjadi indah tergantung dari individu yang ada didalamnya. kalau didalam pernikahan yang “busuk” mengalahkan yang baik, pernikahan itu tidak bisa lagi menjadi baik dan utuh. sudah tidak mampu lagi berada di posisi semula. Kejadian 2:18
says, “Tuhan Allah berfirman, tidak baik kalau manusia itu seorang diri saja. Aku akan menjadikan penolong baginya yang sepadan dengan dia.”
Dikatakan disana seorang diri saja=alone, dan bukan SINGLE.
Tuhan Allah tidak bilang, tidak baik apabila manusia itu single. Alone:sendiri saja:eksklusif:terisolasi. alone belum tentu lonely. it’s not good for a man to be alone, kenapa tidak baik?

1. Karena kasih. Kasih tidak dapat berdiri sendiri. Sebab sifat dasar dari kasih adalah memberi. Tuhan adalah kasih. God is love. jadi supaya Tuhan bisa mengasihi, maka Tuhan menciptakan manusia yang serupa dan segambar dengan Dia, supaya kasih menjadi sempurna. kita diciptakan untuk menerima kasihNya.
Begitu juga dengan adam. ketika Tuhan menciptakan Hawa, tujuan Tuhan supaya adam dapat memberi
kasihnya kepada hawa. because love cannot dwell alone. man is giving, women is receiving and conceiving. menerima dan mengandung. segala sesuatu “dikandung”. makanya sering banget kalo berantem dan cowonya ngomong sedikitt aja yang menyinggung, cewenya bisa tuh jadi
yang emosi banget daleeeemmmm… dan sakit…trus balesannya lebih sadis :p (make sense!) if you’re smart (for the guys), if you put positive stuff towards your gal, it will be times up back to you!

2. mempunyai keturunan. perintah Tuhan untuk memenuhi bumi.

3. talenta dan bakat bisa dikembangkan sendirian, tapi untuk karakter selalu diperlukan orang lain. that’s why Tuhan bilang, it’s not good for a man to be alone. sendiri. menyendiri. terisolasi. tidak ada teman. it’s not good. but it’s good to be single.

single:tunggal:utuh:komplit:terpisah:unik:whole:unique:undivided!

adam was single. dia utuh dan komplit sebelum bertemu dengan hawa.
Kejadian 1:31 dikatakan kalau segala yang diciptakan sungguh amat baik. that means adam sudah complete, he is single. tidak dicatat adam sibuk mencari kekosongan dirinya atau mencari pacar, dia mengusahakan dan memelihara taman eden (bekerja). begitu sibuknya adam sampai dia tidak mengerti kalau dia perlu teman. bahkan di Bible dicatat kalau Tuhanlah
yang menyadari kalau
adam membutuhkan teman, bukan adam yang merasa kosong. adam never requested for a girlfriend.

ketika Tuhan menciptakan hawa, Dia tidak menciptakan wanita untuk membuat pria jadi completed. karena pada awalnya adam sudah completed. Tuhan bilang “I am going to give him a helper.” ko jeff ngasih contoh, dia mampu mengangkat sebuah kursi, tapi kalau ada yang menawarkan bantuan, itu akan membuat segalanya lebih mudah. it’s good. a helper. a man can be single, but not alone. totally happy, because he/she has a lot of friends. you don’t have to get married to go to heaven, you don’t have to get married to get the annointing.

kapan kita tau kalau kita siap untuk menerima pasangan? justru pada kita merasa tidak membutuhkannya. karena pada saat itu kita dalam kondisi complete. orang yang siap masuk menikah adalah orang yang single, bukan orang yang mencari-cari untuk dikasihi. hanya laki-laki yang utuh dan wanita yang utuh yang siap menikah. UTUH. how awesome!

tetapi yang sering terjadi adalah orang menikah karena merasa tidak utuh dan mencari-cari pasangan supaya menjadi utuh. ko jeff kasih illustrasinya begini: ada dua gelas berisi air setengah. seringkali terjadi seperti itu, kita ingin menjadi “penuh” diisi oleh pasangan kita (lalu ko jeff tuangkan setengah air dalam satu gelas ke gelas yg lain) padalah ketika pasangan kita “mengisi” kita, dia menjadi kosong. secara gak sadar, kita merusak pasangan kita. and that is exactly WHY, sebagai anak Tuhan kita harus mengerti the BASIC of relationship. Jangan sibuk mencari pasangan untuk mengisi kekosongan!

Matius 22, “kasihilah sesamamu manusia seperti dirimu sendiri.” jadi untuk bisa mengasihi orang lain, kita harus mengasihi diri sendiri terlebih dahulu. kalau kita tidak mengasihi diri sendiri, gimana kita bisa mengasihi orang lain? mengasihi diri sendiri bukan berarti self centered, tp disini
artinya adalah utuh:complete:single.

HOW TO BE SINGLE?

1. kita harus mengenal diri sendiri. do you know WHO YOU ARE? taukah engkau siapa dirimu didalam Tuhan? Jesus did. That’s why He can love. Yesus bilang: Akulah Jalan Kebenaran dan Hidup. He knows who He is.

2. menerima dirimu sendiri. setelah mengenal, bisakah kamu terima dirimu? seringkali pernikahan itu terdiri dari orang-orang yang tidak bisa mengasihi dirinya sendiri bertemu dengan orang yang tidak bisa mengasihi dirinya juga dan berharap bisa menjadi utuh (relationship that dries you up!), karena
orang yang menjadi pasangan orang itu berusaha mengisi hidupnya dengan mengosongkan pasangannya. kalau engkau single, kamu ga butuh mencari-cari. karena we are content, we love ourselves and ready share the love that we cannot contain anymore! how awesomeeeee………

it’s more important to be single (whole), daripada menikah. lebih aman untuk tidak menikah dahulu, daripada menikah tapi belum single! paling bahaya adalah orang yang tidak utuh menikah dengan orang yang tidak utuh. maka resultnya adalah tidak bahagia dalam pernikahan, atau lebih parahnya.. divorce. lebih parah lagi kalau berlanjut dengan ketidak puasan, seseorang yang tidak utuh akan selalu mencari dan mencari. that is why some people ended up having affairs. sebab orang yang tidak utuh, tidak bisa menguasai dirinya sendiri. hanya orang yang penuh, yang single, yang utuh,
yang bisa mengendalikan hidupnya.
Proverbs 25:28 says, “Whoever has no rule over his own spirit is like a city broken down without walls.”

orang yang tidak utuh tidak akan bisa memberikan apa-apa kepada pasangannya, karena tujuan dia mempunyai pasangan hanya untuk mengisi kekosongan dirinya. sibuk mengisi kekosongan dirinya, ended up asking: “you don’t love me, do you?” “why don’t you pay attention to me?” those things dries you up!

fact: ga ada orang yang mampu memenuhi kehidupan kita, apalagi spiritual kita! it is only God. He is the only One that fills us up!
> that is why Jesus says, “carilah dahulu Kerajaan Allah dan kebenarannya, maka semuanya ditambahkan kepadamu.” kunci kebahagiaan yang sebenarnya adalah ketika kita menjadi UTUH. mengenal diri kita didalam Tuhan, lepas dari fakta menikah atau tidak menikah. pernikahan adalah untuk laki-laki dan perempuan yang UTUH. pernikahan itu akan diberkati, always compliment each
other, and be blessings for everyone. remember: baik buruknya suatu hubungan, tergantung dari siapa saja yang terlibat dalam hubungan itu.
Marriage is for the SINGLES.

TO BE SINGLE SHOULD BE THE GOAL OF EVERY PERSON.**